She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
