I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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