His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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