well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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