my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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