I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
