meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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