we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
