Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
