Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
