I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
