i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
