I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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