I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
