oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
