What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
