In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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