I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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