I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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