yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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