I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
