I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
