Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
