I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
