when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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