Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
