If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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