I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
