Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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