Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
