I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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