He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pooping to opera.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
