end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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