I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
