ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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