last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
