WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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