If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
