she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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