Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
ttyl tear gas
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
