Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
