Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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