Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Who died my cat blue again?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
