In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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