He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
