Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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