you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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