i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize
