He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
