i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
