My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
